Honesty

This one is for the honest scrap tag given to me by TriMommy.  10 honest things.

1. I have a real issue following through.  Example: I didn't finish my Masters, even though I started a couple times, I don't have a teaching certification, I never build a strip built kayak, I haven't even started my book - even though I bought a book to help me write it, and most of my big chores go undone, or 1/2 way done until I get bugged to finish them.  To that note, I have not really been doing all the workouts I need to do for my 1/2 IM which is in 2.5 weeks.
2. I have big dreams.  I see myself doing things, and getting things that may be slightly out of reach, or that I may not know how to do.  That gets me into trouble sometimes with #1.  An example is a house we put an offer on.  It is going to take a lot of work to fix, and we would either have to pay someone to do it, or I would need to step up and do the work.  I work in software, not in construction, and the projects I do sometimes come out...marginalized...?
3. I am kinda insecure.  I feel like I am kinda goofy looking and may not have the greatest personality, and sometimes can't figure out why someone would like me, or why my family would appreciate me.  I have to tell myself that they are probably in the same position, and wonder the same thing about why I like them.
4. What do you call it when you say things out of one side of your mouth, but do the opposite?  Like when I watch the biggest loser and say, "I could totally lose weight." then continue to eat the same way, and not change my habits.  Or "I could totally become an elite athlete" and then miss training more than once a week.  I am one of those guys.
5. I have a strange views about how i should look.  Specifically, I have these huge scars on my neck from having melanoma removed, and I like to almost put them on display.  they look awful.  But I have issues with my body hair, varicose veins, and my lopsided-ness (not quite the guy from Goonies).  I need to be satisfied with how i am.  Funny, the stuff that bothers me doesn't bother my wife, and that is really the only person that matters at this point.
6. I like stupid movies.  I watched RoboCop the other day.  I liked it.  I recorded Rollerball with LLCoolJ a few weeks ago when the movie channels had a free weekend.  I can't help it.
7. I still look like a kid.  I am 36 years old, and I still look like I just got out of high-school.  Maybe it is a generational thing, or maybe it is me.  I don't know.  I looked yesterday in the reflective walls of an elevator at me and another person.  We both had khaki pants and a golf shirt on, but his fit better on him, it was tucked in, his hair was combed, and he had dress shoes on.  Mine was wrinkled, a little big, untucked, I had a long sleeve t-shirt on underneath (sun protection cause of melanoma), and cross-trainers on with white sports socks.  It didn't help that I was sporting my computer in a back-pack. Hair was clean, but completely messy.- for some reason I can't have styled hair for more than 10 minutes...  Anyway, I looked like a kid.
8. I very rarely take the lead on things, or feel confident that I know as much or more than others.  It is hard to convince me that I should be the one to take charge, cause I feel like there are likely more people out there who know more about something than I do.  I would very much like to coach people doing triathlons, but I can't see how i can get the knowledge enough to be able to coach them, even though the rational portion of my brain says I pretty much know what they would need to know.
9. I still love being in the same place as my wife.  I feel better when we are in the same room, and that is just a feeling of contentment that I am addicted to.
10.  I am scared of funerals.  My grandpa passed away this week and I am kinda bummed.  I haven't gone to any funerals ever.  From Jens in high school, to Dan who committed suicide a couple years ago, to my grandma on my dad's side last year, to grandpa on my mom's side this year.  Just haven't been able to do it.